Equal Airspace in Relationships – Guest Writer, Louise Bell

By Louise Bell, web author of  The Diary of a Thirty Something British Socialite in Turkey

Relationships can be hard cant they?

Louse Bell, thelastsinglegirl.weebly.comFirstly you have to find someone that you like, and boy that can take some doing.  I mean, you have to actually start up a conversation with someone of the opposite sex for god’s sake. 

I am a serial internet dater and I like to chat away to blokes that take my fancy, and have even had an internet man or two come to visit me from meeting them online.  Don get me wrong here, it’s not that I am shy or cant find anyone that takes my interest in my own town, I am just very picky and have found myself with some rather large trust issues from past relationships.  So internet dating seems to work out quite well, up to a point that is anyway.

For example, I had an internet man fly down to visit me from Istanbul (I live in Marmaris, Turkey) after chatting with him for 2 months online.  We knew all kind’s of stuff about each other and got on well on the phone too, so it seemed like a good idea to meet in the flesh.  Yes I know, what a dangerous/random/odd/great thing to do, but back to that later.

What I am trying to say is, that once you have found someone that actually sparks your interest and you have had a bit of banter, you have made a start.  But what to do next?  One has to test the waters, that’s what. 

Testing the waters usually involves going on a date or two.  I usually know after the first hour or so if I like a bloke or not (in the flesh).  If I don’t like the bloke, I will cut him loose and set him free back into the mine field of dating.  But if I like the bloke, oh dear, occasionally the obsession may begin.  But, that’s a whole different story…

So after a few dates, if you both have come to the understanding that you like each other, then great.  But what next?  More dating.  Sometimes that person will turn out to be perfect for you.  Maybe a Mr/Mrs Right, or maybe just a Mr/Mrs Right Now, but so far so good right?

Dating involves finding out about each other, so obviously, on both sides, lots of questions are usually asked.  Normal.  You need to get to know this person and questions are the only way that this is going to happen (unless you happen to be a facebook stalker like myself).

Once the dating has really taken off and you are spending quite a bit of time hanging out, you will start to pick up on the traits of this person, good or bad.  You will have found out about each others past relationships, why they ended, what they are looking for, etc.  This is a great time, especially if you are both looking for the same thing.  Being the serial internet dater that I am, this is generally done whilst having online conversations, especially if you live a bit of a distance away from the person that you are chatting to.

What happens if at first you thought this person just liked to chat a lot, but you are now coming to realize that they do not take an interest in you or anything you have to say and seem more concerned with just talking about him/herself? 

Houston, we have a problem. 

Let me take you back to the example of my internet man:  It was not the first time he had been to see me, so I knew what I was letting myself in for.    Thankfully he was ruggedly handsome, tall, spoke perfect English and rather rich – what more could a gal ask for?  Well, the cherry on the top is that he has got the most amazingly stinking attitude ever known to man.  Why did I have him visit me again you may wonder?  Well, the last time he was here was 2 and a half years ago and I thought he may have changed, you know, may have leant from his past mistakes.
Boy was I ever wrong.

There are ways of dropping in vital information about what makes YOU tick.  I generally go for the direct route, especially as my internet man had never once enquired as to what my line of work happened to be.  So whilst having lunch, I asked him if he was ever going to enquire as to what I did every day of the week.  His reply was what I should have expected, however I could not keep the horrified look from creeping across my face when he said ‘I just dont give a crap’.  When I asked why, he summed it up in one:
‘I am just not interested unless it involves me’.
Well that told me didnt it!

In any relationship, whether new or old, we are all entitled to equal airspace.  Why should someone else have all the fun talking about themselves incessantly, feeding their ego, and you not getting your all important a look in?  I’ll tell you why:   It is off course down to respect.  If someone does not respect your point of view, past relationships, what you like to do in your free time enough to ask you about it, then the warning signs should start flashing.

It was at this point I jumped ship.  This is where I put Mr.Attitude back on his flight to Istanbul a day early, blocked him from facebook and MSN, never to be thought of again until writing this.

Why oh why did I think this person had or could ever change?  I am a firm believer in 2nd chances that’s why.  I have learnt my lesson and will not be doing that again, let me tell you.

If you ever find yourself in a situation of this nature, whether you have met this person in the flesh or online, take heed of the warning signs.  It could be that your new beau has their mind else where, he or she could possibly be on the rebound and not intentionally be meaning to hurt and/or ignore you.

If any of the above rings true to you, I suggest releasing that fish back out into the water as there is one much better waiting for you to swim along and actually will you to talk about yourself.

 

Yes folks, we all like dating, but when dating, always bear in mind that the person that you are dating would like to be asked about what makes them tick too.

 

Louise Bell   xoxo

31 year old notoriously single British socialite, living in Marmaris, Turkey

Like this article?  Find more and read my blog at: http://thelastsinglegirl.weebly.com/

 

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